Helping Elderly Parents Make or Update a Will

Practical help is genuinely valuable: booking an appointment, helping gather information about assets, or simply being present for moral support. What should be avoided is suggesting specific gifts, pushing a particular distribution between siblings, or being in the room dictating answers during the actual instruction-giving stage, since this can later be used to suggest the will does not reflect your parent's true wishes.

If more than one adult child is involved in helping, keep communication transparent between siblings where possible, and consider letting your parent meet with a solicitor or complete an online service privately, without other family members present for the substantive decisions. This protects both your parent's independence and the family from later suspicion or dispute.

For a will to be valid, your parent needs testamentary capacity at the time it is made, assessed under the Banks v Goodfellow test: understanding what a will is and does, understanding roughly what they own, being aware of who might reasonably expect to benefit, and not being affected by a delusion that distorts their decisions. This is a specific legal test, not a general judgement about memory or health.

A diagnosis such as early-stage dementia does not automatically mean your parent lacks capacity, and many people retain full testamentary capacity well into a diagnosis, particularly during clearer periods. See our guide on mental capacity and wills for the full detail on this test and how it is applied.

Undue influence is a separate concern from capacity: it is when someone is pressured, coerced or manipulated into making a will (or particular gifts within it) that does not actually reflect their free wishes. This can happen even where the person technically has capacity, and it is a recognised ground for challenging a will after death.

Warning signs include a parent who seems anxious or reluctant when discussing their will, sudden and significant changes favouring one family member with no clear explanation, or one relative controlling access to the parent and to professional advisers. If any of this rings true in your family, it is best for the parent to see a solicitor independently, without the involved relative present, so their true wishes can be established clearly.

Whoever witnesses your parent's will should not be a beneficiary, or married to a beneficiary, since under section 15 of the Wills Act 1837 a witnessing beneficiary loses their gift. In a family setting this often rules out the adult children who are helping, so plan to use neighbours, friends, or, if using a solicitor, staff at their office instead.

Both witnesses need to be present together when your parent signs, and the whole process should happen without rushing. See our guide on how to witness a will for the full sequence to follow.

If there is any realistic possibility that capacity could later be questioned, whether due to age, a diagnosed condition, or a family history of disagreement, it is worth arranging a formal capacity assessment by a GP or specialist at, or close to, the time the will is made. This is often called the 'golden rule' in solicitors' practice for elderly or vulnerable testators, and it creates evidence that can be relied on years later.

This step is entirely separate from, and does not replace, the will itself; it simply documents that your parent had capacity at the relevant time, which can be invaluable if any family member ever raises a challenge after your parent's death.

A solicitor should generally be used, rather than a DIY or online will, wherever there is any doubt about capacity, any risk of undue influence, a blended family with children from previous relationships, meaningful business or property assets, or a family history of disagreement over inheritance. A solicitor can take independent instructions, form their own professional judgement on capacity, and keep a detailed record of the meeting.

Where none of these concerns apply, and your parent has a straightforward estate and clear, settled wishes, a well-built online will remains a perfectly appropriate and often more comfortable route, provided the signing and witnessing steps are followed carefully. See our guide on do I need a solicitor for a will if you are weighing this decision up.